


If I Could Begin Again

by Yotsubadancesintherain5



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abstract, Character Study, Fanart, Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 03:03:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18023546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yotsubadancesintherain5/pseuds/Yotsubadancesintherain5
Summary: It took eons after everything to truly find herself.





	1. Offer the Cedar of my Tears

The joy of finding that the Earth was teeming with life was tempered by the melancholy that it would be gone in short time. The work to stop this began, and Pearl watched Pink Diamond plead on her own good faith.

If good faith was not enough, then it would have to come from an external force. The kindergartens had newfound flaws, certain materials got misplaced, and whispers of a revolution spread through Homeworld.

It did not come to fruition until they saw the fusion, different and beautiful, and realized that this fight could extend to the gems that were displaced and discarded.

In the thicket, in the garden, Pearl broke through an unsaid barrier with her Diamond through a dance and that time felt so perfect. Just the same as her Diamond was perfect, strong and brave and beautiful.

In her Diamond’s work Pearl could become more than what was expected of her.

-

Pink Diamond – Rose – broke underneath her sword and it was wrong, so very wrong, and the screams that erupted from the court shook Pearl to the core. She had fled, and Rose reformed and the relief was coldly splashed away when the ramifications of this finally hit.

The wars became bloodthirsty, an outcry for the loss of their precious Diamond, and she would have joined the ranks of the corrupted had it not been for her shield.

The bustle and laughter of those that wanted to save the Earth were gone, replaced by their writhing and groans of pain in their twisted forms.

Pearl told herself not to question it, but when she would look into a fallen friend’s bubble, see her reflection’s face twist in grief, she wondered if they should have taken a different path.

-

Centuries later, when the wars were far behind them, Rose had found love again. Another tally, another mark, something that Pearl looked on with a mix of bemusement and underlining smugness.

But it became more, closer than any other, and then the fear that it was closer than what she and Rose had.

Yes, of course, that Rose was capable of love, maybe even an infinite, no doubt that there was love for Pearl. But it had changed, suddenly there wasn’t enough.

The poisonous unease and indignation, “We were – _are_ – closer than anything so please look to me,” there was love but there should’ve been more and it couldn’t crush her fears like it did before.

It was, still, a brief glance of love not meant for her. Even if Pearl felt hurt now this outsider would fade and Rose would return to her.

-

When Garnet found out the truth, about the pillars being rebuilt, some form of an apology was prefaced by Pearl’s truth.

There was that indignation again, something poisonous as it filtered through her mind, adding onward and onward.

“You know me. I’m not strong like you, I feel so _weak_ , and I need-“

For a brief, horrible, agonizing moment she had ruined everything.

Even with the ability to say these words, this particular truth not kept locked up by authority’s words, it had been no help.

-

When the truth was broken out, a benevolent version of Pandora’s box, there was this alien feeling that dripped down and congealed in the area of her ribcage if such a thing existed. How easy it was now to admit that Rose had made mistakes, had flaws, and that the image of her and Rose in that thicket was a nostalgic lens of the past.

What a relief, in hindsight of everything, to admit that Rose was not perfect.


	2. Offer the Aroma of Amber

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of all things this was inspired by an Animal Crossing Pocket Camp item, as seen in the drawing above. The fairy bottle looks very cute but I thought it was kinda weird that the animals are seemingly stuck in it. An adorable gilded cage, and I slowly came to the realization that it described Pearl pretty well.


End file.
